I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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