I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
