Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
