Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
