Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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