I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
