There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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