we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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