remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
