I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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