i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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