sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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