They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
