I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
