You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
