I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
