this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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