Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
MIDGETS
????
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
