do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
