I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
