even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
