She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
