Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize