oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk is not a location!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He shit in the fireplace
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
