You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
