woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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