you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
