His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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