ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
