I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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