Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's shark week go big or go home
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
