We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
