ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
