Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
