I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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