dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
