I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
