There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
