Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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