my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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