She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
