Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
