I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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