I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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