Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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