it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my shit smells like andre
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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