If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
