Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
