I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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