Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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