Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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