why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
