Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The struggles of a small town man whore
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
