My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
