He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
