Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
