I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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