you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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