I hate all girls vehemently.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
