I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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