you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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