You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
