TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
