This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
