You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
