so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
