I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
