I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
