I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
