she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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