in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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