She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Are we still banned from the library?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
