piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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