She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
