I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
