What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
