She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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