So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
