Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
