Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
