today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
